I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
