____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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