Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
