he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
