im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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