i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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