Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
