"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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