It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
