Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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