Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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