Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
