That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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