yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
