Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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