god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
NoShamevember. You game?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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