I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
