I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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