I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
