i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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