If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
