sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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