Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
