no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize
