Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
