it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
