I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
