I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
high people should be assigned attendants
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just forgot I was standing up.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
