theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
NoShamevember. You game?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
