make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
