There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
