you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize