his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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