saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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