I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
