bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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