doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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