That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
