Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
wow bdsm is so cute
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
