umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
