My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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