we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Quick, to the slutcave!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
