weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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