Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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