Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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