I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
A+ Viking dick
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
