she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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