I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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