I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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