for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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