Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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