I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Shame - the story of my life.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
