Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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