i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
