I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize