Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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