I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize