I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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