I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
