I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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