I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My underwear smells like fireworks.
nutella sex= disaster
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
