planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
