Joe is yelling at the trees again.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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