Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
