He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
