whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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