another moral hangover. fuck.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
