I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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