I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
