When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I could make wine with my vomit
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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