im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The air taste purple.
Randomize