I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Randomize
