You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
