My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
As shirtless as possible
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
