New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
