I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
