Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
