Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
