I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
