On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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