I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We have started to decorate penises.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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