Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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